Reasons to stop eating animals

*Because a vegan diet reverses heart disease. On the American Heart Association (AHA) diet, which includes meat, patients arteries continue to clog, while Dr. Dean Ornishs vegan diet unclogs arteries. In one study, AHA dieters experienced a 28 percent average worsening of clogged arteries, while dieters on Ornishs program experiences an 8 percent improvement in their arteries.

*Because eating meat and dairy products makes you fat. As a nation, we're getting fatter, and the Atkins diet has only made matters worse because it only works in the short term. Only 2 percent of pure vegetarians are obese, which is about one-ninth the figure for meat-eating Americans.

*Because you shouldnt have to lie to your kids about the food you eat. Children would be horrified to learn about the cruelty and violence involved in turning chickens, pigs, and other animals into nuggets and other foods.

*Because in every package of chicken, there's a little poop. A USDA study found that 98 percent of broiler chicken carcasses had detectable levels of E. coli, indicating fecal contamination.

*Because meat is filthy and bloody. There are more than 50 million cases of meat-related food borne illnesses every year in the United States, thousands of which lead to death. Animals accumulate dangerous chemicals in their flesh and fat (which meat-eaters consume), including dioxins, antibiotics, pesticides, herbicides, and even the most toxic form of arsenic.

*Because it isn't fair. Killing other animals in an act of exploitation and violence, and we do it only because we have the power to.

*Because you wouldnt eat your dog. Most people are horrified that some cultures eat dogs or whales, but these animals suffer no more than animals commonly consumed in the U.S. The difference is only cultural, not moral.

*Because mad cow disease is in the U.S. Any animals with a brain could contract a version of mad cow disease, yet millions of pigs and chickens are still being fed the remains of diseased animals--in violation of World Health Organization recommendations and the laws of Japan and Europe.

*Because it's violence that you can stop. We may feel powerless to stop war or other forms of violence, but we can choose not to support slaughterhouses by rejecting flesh foods.

*Because no one should have to kill for a living. Slaughterhouse workers have among the highest rates of injury and illness in the country, not to mention turonver rates, and working in a slaughterhouse would dull anyones sense of compassion.

*Because it takes a small person to beat a defenseless animal and an even smaller person to eat one. If you're eating meat, you are paying others to commit acts so cruel that if committed against dogs or cats, they would warrant felony cruelty charges in most U.S. states.

*Because no animal deserves to die for your taste buds. A human being's desire for a momentary taste of flesh is not as important as another animals desire not to be tortured and violently killed.

*Because the grain used to feed animals could be used to feed hungry people. A full 80 percent of U.S. agricultural land is used to raise chickens, pigs, and other farmed animals. If the massive quantities of grain, soy, and corn now fed to the factory-farmed animals were freed up, there would be plenty of food for the world's starving people.

*Because more than half of all water used in the U.S. is used to raise animals for food. A total vegetarian diet required 300 gallons of water per day, while a meat-eating diet required more than 4,000 gallons of water per day. Time magazine reports, Around the world, as more water is diverted to raising [cattle], pigs, and chickens, instead of producing crops for direct consumption, millions of wells are going dry.

*Because you can't eat meat and call yourself an environmentalist. Funneling crops and water through animals rather than using those resources directly is our country's top way of wasting water and polluting. Factory farms demand more water than all other users combined and produce 130 times as much waste as the entire human population of the United States. Farming animals also required more than one-third of all greenhouse-gas-emitting fossil fuels used in the U.S. and has destroyed three-fourths of our topsoil, a permanent environmental catastrophe that can't be corrected.

*Because they're defenseless. Nobel luareate, Isaac Bashevis Singer called speciesism the most extreme form of racism because animals are the least able to defend themselves and the easiest to victimize.

*Because when animals feel pain, they scream, too. If you burn them, they feel it. If you give them electric shocks, they feel it. Animals feel pain in the same way and to the same degree that we humans do.

*Because they feel fear. Their hair stands on end, they urinate on themselves, and they shake, just as we do when we're frightened out of our minds with the prospect of being hurt or killed.

so today as gotten slightly better thanks only to talking to another female about sex. However, she is sharing her lesbian experiences while I share my heterosexual experiences. Who said the queers and the straights could not relate and communicate?!

I feel ashamed as to what I admit I like in bed (or out of bed). Being a feminist, I highly doubt many of my feminist counter-parts would approve of my preferences (ie; I hate being on top, and I love to be fucked from behind - and of course, that is only the beginning). The thing is - people dont understand trust. If I were to have a one night stand, it's not as if I'd explore all my sexual fantasies w/ a complete stranger. I have to truly trust and care for the person I am with - and that is when shit gets crazy. However, I seem to have the luck of picking guys who are not sexually up to par with me (meaning - they have other interests, not that they cannot last). That is not to say that I do not have good sex, because generally I do especially recently. All I'm saying is that I am a sexual person, and sex does not offend me usually in any way.

and I'm sick of being ashamed to talk about sex via livejournal. Thankyou for encouraging me xlabrysx

.. so on that note - I need to get laid now.

Fun things aside from sex

***Blake sent me a dope package in the mail while he was on tour (he is back now) which included a "how-to" zine booklet (along with some other goodies and a sweet letter). Speaking of Mel, I was talking to her about that as well and I have two ideas. The commodification of compassion and rebellion (specially focusing on how completely anti-capitalist ideals come to make millions of dollars for a capitalist society - I was also thinking of touching upon Veganism and straightedge and how people laugh in the face of those who claim it - because we have commodified it and turned it into anothe fad) the second being how anarcha-feminism is in dire need of some more articulate ideals and accessibility. I feel lukewarm about modern day anarcha-feminism is just this angry "I am woman hear me roar" garp. But the basic and founding idea I agree with completely (patriarchy being a fundamental problem of society and the main cause of hierarchy). I guess it's me taking matters into my own hands - I am just not influenced nor really impressed with many of the modern anarchist femininsts out there (maybe I just need to research harder). Where are the voltairine de clerye's and emma goldmans? They had passion, compassion and fire! They were also intelligent and had well thought out ideas. These days, it seems more like an ego movement that has no substance.
***My diet and workout regimine is coming along nicely - which means everything is going according to "plan" which I dont like. Losing 1 pound a week sucks balls, and knowing that the earliest I will be back down to my ideal/former weight is september also blows. But I have lost weight, and I am in better shape. I can run faster, breathe easier, my body feels better overall - I also thank veganism and raw food (especially berries) for this and my wicked self discipline. I'm also still not drinking carbonation, and never drink more than twice a month.
***John moved into my apartment and pulled some strings to get our gas turned back on. Score!
***Gael Garcia Bernal

Before I get started... I keep talking of saving up my money for a laptop or a motorcycle... Well let's add a third. Backpacking through Peru, Chile and Argentina and stopping by in Bolovia to meet some crazy nuns that wear Che's hair in little capsules around their neck

An Argentine political ideology, one that even lives on today far after Peron was overthrown in 1955 and lived in exile in Paraguay. The current president of Argentina, Néstor Carlos Kirchner, is known as a Justicialist (part of peronism and was founded by Juan Peron) and considers himself leftist peronist.
- Juan Peron and his ideology is usually compared to Justicialist because he believed that the need of the people and the need of the nation should be on the same level and have the same need. However, he claims that it's not capitialism nor socialism. But somewhere in between. He believed -

crap I have to go, I'll finish this later.

Blake and I cooked food for about 6 other people.
No shock or bother to him (he has cooked for 40). But I always feel pressured when cooking for that many. Hell if I have to cook for more than 4 I feel the stress. I cut up the peppers and made the rice. He cut up the tofu and cucumbers and celery. Crystal brought home bug juice for him (100% of his daily vitamin C!) and Cranberry juice for me (which also has 100% of my daily vitamin C!) She, Kim and Jason drank powerade. I think the other fella's drank pepsi.

The duck we have been babbysitting is finally leaving today. Cute little fella. Kim wanted to name him/her Felony, while Blake thought Fredrick (Friedrich?) was a great name. I called him/her
"Nietzsche" but then decided on Fredrick Douglas. Hmm calling an animal Nietzsche. Reminds me of a time I went over to Elaine's house. UVSC super employee or something of the sort. Had a dog named Argus - but the dog looked like Nietzsche with his mustache. I called him the "Nietzsche dog"
- but anyway - I'm glad the fucker will be gone. Shits EVERYWHERE. I feel odd about adopting animals that are not meant for a U.S domesticated household (I no longer have Boomer
either - he now has a home in SLC, which is slightly sad but the bastard wont miss me considering he is a bastard, and probably does not have the capacity to do so considering I didn't do much with him since he did not live w/ me). However, this duck was alone as a baby in some random gas station in Sandy. Kims sister took it home. Nice duck really... Loves company, hates
to be alone, gets along great with humans and will sleep with you (would not advise that due to the constant shitting). It also likes to chew and nibble @ your feet, whether you are wearing shoes or not.

Hoping that I can get a job @ UVSC that might open in the English department. I've been working @ Harris Interactive for over a year now, and new policies are coming about and most of the staff I enjoyed working with are leaving or has left long ago. My days are numbered and I'm keeping my fingers crossed (not like I believe that will do anything but I shall use the expression) that I can land this job.12-5pm, five days a week. I can switch it around a bit in the fall when school starts.

Speaking of work - that is where I am right now - writing in notepad. CAnnot access the internet while on the clock, so I will copy and paste this to livejournal after I clock out. Anyway - I just got a number that said, "woman was watching Micheal Jackson case. Call back another day." Man - what is our country coming too? By the way, anyone know who the latest pop star is? I still have not seen one episode of American Idol and I don't regret that and often use it as some sort of moral superiority conversation
starter... I do know who Clay Aiken is however.
Speaking of Clay Aiken. I've become obsessive about my health - to the point of counting calories, abolishing carbonation from my diet, and running for 30 minutes @ least 4 times a week. Yes, I have built up quite the endurance, and my body is taking forever to show results - but I can honestly say I do feel better, breathe better, feel more healthy etc.
I only drank alcohol twice this month.

Reminds me to tell you about my experience w/ Justin Timberlake... Trey and Reed made the experience w/ Kim and I memorable. Ross and Alexis were good hosts. Ramen noodles for me (hey, @ least it has a sufficient source of fiber) and candy cane PJ bottoms for Kim.

Mike wanted to see photos. These were drawn by Crystal @ our work Harris - they took away the games, so it leaves you with paint and notepad.


I was reading Marx when she drew this, The Communist Manifesto no less - and I realized I just lost about 10 cool points for not reading someone more obscure.

That is what Blake does to Crystal and Kim almost every morning that he is here. I'm actually in the background usually begging him to be more considerate of my roommates.

Yes, Kims balls are really that green.

Yes, Crystal really does have a green mohawk.

Amazing to me that even the ones behind a revolution, those who talk of fighting for the people - are almost just as fucked as the Imperialists. They all participate in a spectacle, a manipulation - and it's justified, it's "okay" because it's right. Fuck Moral superiority.
- I've never claimed to be a communist/anarchist/socialist (jokingly I have) the ideology is just that. Ideal. But that doesnt mean I like capitalism. It's fucked up, probably the most fucked of them all. But it's part of the problem.. It's not THE problem. Language, letters, words, numbers, all symbols. Not necessarily a bad thing. We need these symbols in order to communicate. But language aside - symbols have become society. Everything has become a representation (once again I'm a Debordian).. If someone interprets us in a way we dislike, we try to set the record straight and express who we REALLY are. Usually this entails leaving out most of the bad and creating a persona. I like to create and if someone wants to construct their own personality that usually is admirable as opposed to someone being what they are told they are.

---

Che Guevara and Fidel Castro played so many games and manipulated so many people. While I admire their efforts and their cause. I think they went about it the wrong way. Che' wanted to skip all the "steps" and go straight from Capitalism-Communism. He criticized the Soviets for paying workers extra who chose to work overtime, he believed that people should just work extra because they want too. Because they are loyal to their country and fellow humans. Ideal and possibly could be achieved - but not over night (or in Cuba's sense.. Literally one year, but not communism, rather socialism). Of course in orthodox Marxist theory (correct me is I'm wrong readers who may be Marxists and know far more than I do), the transition is supposed to be natural - the workers would realize their oppression and would confront capitalism. Leninists and Castroists believed in overthrowing capitalism, telling the workers they were oppressed and anyone who should disagree should leave the country or be killed. Once again - thank god for moral superiority.
- Fidel Castro came to America in 1959. Eisenhower would not meet with him (he was too busy on vacation playing golf) and sent him vice president Richard Nixon. Fidel asked for cooperation from the US, but Nixon declined, questioned his authority (Fidel was only 33 and had never held politlca office before) as political figure and hinted that Cuba should follow Puerto Rico's footsteps. Fidel became outraged. But Che has already been so long before him. )Castro met Che in 1955 in Mexico where he and his "July 26th movement" was planning an attack on Batista and Cuba. On Dec 2nd, 1955, they landed upon Cuba w/ only 86 men.. These 86 men would climb through the Sierra Maestra mountains and gain the support of peasants, acquire connections, money and take the weapons from the thugs and military they would run into. They would eventually defeat over 10,000 of Batista's men. By the time they were driving to Havana (oh, and they also acquired some jeeps along the way), Batista had already fled the country w/ his family and a few of his close friends.) Che was heavily into Marx and Lenin when he met Fidel Castro, and Fidels younger brother, Raul was as well.
- Castro was actually known to be anti-communist and wanted to implement a democracy onto Cuba. But it's obvious that he-dare I say, played the roll of puppet for a while after gained power in Cuba. Not saying he is an idiot or didn't have vision. More so that he was trying to work on relations America (not to sy he was pro America, for a while, he criticized America for supporting Batista and his regime which America did. However, when he did meet w/ Nixon, he did bring his most pro-American and anti-communist comrads w/ him), other movements that helped him defeat Batista who were also anti-communist and he was also trying to incorporate ideas from his v. Marxist influenced comrads Che and Raul, and the PSP. However, after a fall of events, including entering economic agreements w/ the Soviets, rising tensions w/ the US and a strong influence from Che, Raul and the PSP. Fidel would finally admit that Cuba was heading for socialism...

---

The way Che and Fidel both spoke (or for Fidel; speaks) it seems to be the same brainwashing tactics that other leaders have used... Is propaganda bad? People say it doesnt have to be if it represents the right cause. God knows that Peta uses propaganda left and right and they are for a compassionate cause.. However, my only problem w/ propaganda is once again - only showing one side of the story, usually the use of a slogan, a catch image, strong words, something that can stick in someone's mind.. A representation of the cause.. A cause and a fight and people are so complex. To stand behind one slogan,, "Viva la Revolucian!" is admirable but doesn't it weird anyone else out that such simple words such as those just stated, or labels such as "mormon" "vegan" "feminist" "facist" have come to define a whole individual? Even your name... Your name is a label-albiet a more practical and needed label.

---

Personally I am an optimist, but as for as a whole of society - I do hold v. much hope (now the Nietzchean in me is talking - if those can exist). If I wanted to live a selfish existence I would be satisified because I am "enlightened" and know how to live my life without being a miserable degenerate (notice sarcasm). But with that mentality I am only falling into the moral superiority bullshit which I despise, and not to mention, for some reason I care. Whether or not anyone wants to believe that or not, this isn't about proving myself to anyone who finds me to be the scum of the earth.. All I know is that I don't understand why if most people just want to live their own lives.. how things have become so fucked up! People say "easy Jen: Greed, power etc." no no no you cant just rumberstamp it like that. Because society has so much more to it than that. This shit is complex and we have just created this spectacle full of symbols and ideas that one wants to see and wishes things were that way. It's not just capitalism, the people on top etc. Society as well creates what it wants to believe, the people on the bottom reach to an idea they want to achieve - sometimes that is healthy other times it is not. I hear some say, "turn a negative experience into a positive one" which I think is a damaging ideology. I see it as a form of denial. I watched a movie the other day, based on a true story and the movie had no "feel good" aspects to it. The protagonist has a shitty life, a shitty death and never "wins". For some over-the-top optimist to say the above phrase is highly naive. We need to realize that things in life are awful and quit living in denial. Especially here in Utah County... Personally? I'm lucky enough to have access to the internet, to be able to attend college, to be able to own the books I do, to be able to be as aware as I am. I'm not here to say how horrible my life is because it is not. What is horrible is the spectacle that has been created here as well as in many other cultures. Created out of denial and to escape guilt. It doesn't take a genius to know that many of our material and tangible pleasures in life come to us in @ the expense of others... Others who do not have the option to be aware. The option to fight for a cause. The option to even care... To think - I've become this way out of a "hobby."

So that is that. I'm going to Pride tomorrow w/ two of the greatest girls ever, xlabrysx and reflexorozy. If I were feeling festive, I'd wear a rainbow wig - create a "fun" spectacle showing that I'm down for the cause eh?
PS - to xshaunxctx, I agree w/ your latest post. Which is why I had to go vegetarian (currently making my way to veganism). Especially since I thought chickens were so damn neat. I just felt hypocritical and ass backwards for claiming compassion for animals yet eating them for dinner.. However, that isn't to put down those who ARE compassionate to animals yet still continue to eat meat.. Anything that alleviates suffering is a step. I'd rather have someone who ate meat, yet who rescued animals from shelters and took care of them as opposed to someone who ate meat and stuck firecrackers up cats' asses for entertainment.. I think the latter is far more fucked up.

This reminds me of a conversation we had @ work a while ago. Is technology advancing too fast for minds whose intelligence is not advancing with it? Maybe it's just my own theorizing coming into effect. But while I am a fan of technology, and love the internet, always have my cell phone w/ me etc. I cannot ignore the fact that techonology is progressing @ a rapid pace, yet socially - we are still struggling with issues that we have been dealing with for thousands of years. If we are truly advancing, why is sexism, classism, racism and what have you still such a problem? You say simple.. power, greed, money etc. Sure, that is always the end all be all answer. However, I think, on some level, it's intentional. Keep society focused on gizmo's and gadgets, let them THINK they need these things in order to survive, but also to make a society in which you DO need these things to survive.
- while I believe a lot of good has come out from technological advances - I also fear that a lot of "entertainment" such as video games, that has come from techonology are nothing but mind-numbing forms of activities in order to keep us content and passive in this modern day existence. Maybe the intentions are good, maybe the intentions are bad. Or maybe the creators have no idea what they are doing... They are just a much a puppet as they are a creator.. Too debordian perhaps.. But I do believe society has created a spectacle and commodified almost every aspect of life in order to draw us away from the real issues @ hand, and it's gotten so out of control that those supposedly in power are just another product of it as well. I also do not blame the creators - I blame the takers as well. Society can choose to accept or reject what is shown or given to them... Then they create a "pseudo-demand."

It just all comes back to moderation for me - it's okay to play a video games, to talk on a cell phone, or to browse the internet, but I think one should be aware or question the situation @ hand.. Always. Go with the flow? I cannot do that and I believe that is an incredibly harmful way to go throughout life.

He then drew his gun, pointed it at us, and told us to put our hands up in the air, in front of us, where he could see them. I complied and in a split second, there was a sound that came from outside the car, there was a sudden movement, and I was shot once with my arms held up in the air, and then once again from the back. Zayd Malik Shakur was later killed, trooper Werner Forester was killed, and even though trooper Harper admitted that he shot and killed Zayd Malik Shakur, under the New Jersey felony murder law, I was charged with killing both Zayd Malik Shakur, who was my closest friend and comrade, and charged in the death of trooper Forester. Never in my life have I felt such grief. Zayd had vowed to protect me, and to help me to get to a safe place, and it was clear that he had lost his life, trying to protect both me and Sundiata. Although he was also unarmed, and the gun that killed trooper Forester was found under Zayd’s leg, Sundiata Acoli, who was captured later, was also charged with both deaths. Neither Sundiata Acoli nor I ever received a fair trial. We were both convicted in the news media way before our trials. No news media was ever permitted to interview us, although the New Jersey police and the FBI fed stories to the press on a daily basis. In 1977, I was convicted by an all- white jury and sentenced to life plus 33 years in prison. In 1979, fearing that I would be murdered in prison, and knowing that I would never receive any justice, I was liberated from prison, aided by committed comrades who understood the depths of the injustices in my case, and who were also extremely fearful for my life.

* Matt came into town, saw him over @ Don's (and Don was a v. drunken Don), had some interesting conversations with various individuals (including the answer to my question: "What is Neo-Marxism" I was corrected with, "it's commonly referred to as 'post-marxism'" and I did get a lovely definition in layman terms. My question is that if we have passed the Marxist era, does that mean his optimistic yet scientific view of society did turn out quite as researched? Hell, I'm only a dabbler with Marxism. I've read parts of his books and some essays. Maybe I should read a few before I squawk) throughout the evening but didn't talk to Matt much -maybe next time? I did get to talk to (and meet) his brother Thorn and I'm glad I did. He is a neat person, and I enjoyed our conversations and would like to have more of them in the future.

* I have been a vegetarian for over a year now and I think I am transcending into Veganism. Kim has been vegetarian for about 10 months and has beat me to it. I went shopping the other day and purchased all vegan food. I even made a vegan stirfry for my dad and he enjoyed it. Since I do live with Kim - it should be far easier to cook vegan - yes I can cook now (on some trivial level and partially thanks to blakexcore) nice to know that lack of animal products has introduced my dabbling self into the world of culinary arts.

* I havent spoken much of it in "livejournal world". But I have been insanely obsessed with communist revolutions. Specifically Cuba, Castro and Guevara. Blake let me borrow his copy of Che Guevara: A Revolutionary Life. He hasn't read it yet, therefore it's clean of scuffs. I have marked it up a bit and he gave me permission to do so. But I feel like I should buy him another copy because 1. I want to keep the damn book anyway AND my markups 2. I hate when people read what I write. I rarely lend out my books for this reason. Anyway - I wrote a 57 page blog (yes that is an exaggeration but only slightly) in my myspace blog about homosexuality and (mostly Cuban) communism. I started doing research after hearing of Reinaldo Arenas (Everyone, go see Before Night Falls why I think it's biased - it's a great film. It talks of a Gay poet and his life in Cuba). I found that it's incredibly hard to found factual information mostly because of the lack of information Americans can attain from Cuba in the first place (gotta love America's anti-communist Cuba stance.. 95% of the US population can't even visit there or they will be heavily fined, thrown in jail etc.) Pay attention to this part: Queer Theory tickets the Stonewall uprising as sort of the beginning of critical queer though and history. But before stonewall a group called the Mattachine Society (first Gay and lesbian society in North America) sought out "what it means to be gay" they were generally Marxist themed. I found a fantastic article online talking about this. The man who talked of this stated that he felt Queers should address the issues amongst themselves rather than the difference between straight and gay. He also gave a lovely history on communism and the queer. So the question remains.. Are Queer roots red? I actually have no idea. I should do more research. But I REALLY enjoyed how this man pointed out that being queer is a great way to identify your sexuality and relate to others - however, queers still have issues of race, gender, and power. A rich white male queer may politically think far differently from a poor black female queer.
- Where was I? Oh communist revolutions - ironically the Bolsheviks toppling the Czar of Russia in 1917 was around the same time that the US entered WWI (Wilson asked Congress to officially declare war on April 6th 1917. So happy US involvement of WWI shares it's date with my birthday). Other beliefs are that we entered because Britain was in debt to us and therefore they could not lose the war, therefore US had to make sure they would "win". Mexico nationalizing oil along with the Zimmerman telegram with Germany and the submarine warfare etc. Anyway, fuck me and my tangents, the Bolsheviks rise (who later renamed themselves, "the communist party") gave hope to many homosexuals that they would have fair gain in the country, especially after the repeled the Czarists laws against homosexualy. However, Stalin criminalized homosexuality in 1934 stating that it was a "bourgeois vice." This view was common even among socialists of the 1860-70's. Didn't this start out as a topic originally about Cuba's communism? I'll write a post about that later. I want to move to Cuba. I'll fly to Floria and swim.

* I really need to not go off on tangents - my mind often wonders from my original point and I feel as if reading this or listening to myself speak I will be the victim of hearing "Jen, will you get to your point already?" I deserve it.

* I finally took photos of a live local band which I have not done in about 2 years. Blake has been hounding me for almost a year to take photos and now I finally have come around and done so.



I am a bit rusty. But I will improve if I get out there more and really - photography is the only thing that I am good @, wasting my time w/ majoring in philosophy @ local college, communism as a hobby/obsession and platinum blonde hair will get me nowhere.
See the rest - http://public.fotki.com/LeJentle/photography/parallax/

*I got another sweet mix CD from Carlos's computer. I was also subjected to Dawn of the Dead yet again. This time Carlos impressed us w/ his adequate knowledge of Zombies, and surprisingly it stayed constant throughout the movie, even though by the end he had, had about 6 shots of flavored vodka.

*I'm finally losing weight. Not much, and slowly, but ever since I decided to kill myself with school I have found that sitting on my ass reading, writing papers, researching, therefore eating poor excuses for fast food/snacks was killing me. I gained about 10-15lbs last semester and I am not too happy about that. However, I now get out more, work out more, fuck more (maybe not) and can actually think about the food that is about the enter my mouth. I don't know if Veganism will necessarily make a difference - I didn't go vegetarian nor am I going vegan to lose weight, that was never the reason.

*I am now no longer working Sundays!! But now I have to work 3-11 every Friday. Most shindigs happen Saturday night which means a lousy time waking up to work on a fucking Sunday. So since I never go out Friday nights (only Saturday nights) this will be okay, especially because Mike G. has joined me and Sarah made the switch a few months ago. Sunday crew? I shall miss, especially Will yelling over the other cubicles to inform me of the latest German existential writer he is reading.

****

End of a fucking long ass glorified entry.

Revolucion!

Trying to write lately in a free-flowing sense. I had a conversation the other night and asked the individual his biggest weakness, I expressed to him that I did not want some "beautiful weakness" that some of us find so attractively flawed. But he proceeded to give me a lovely answer "I think my lack of freedom" something along those lines.

- It made me contemplate that statement - the reason is because I believe the day I was born, I was born free. I have spent the entire of my life taming myself, trying to withold myself. I've never thought what it would be like to FREE myself. Because on a mental and intellectual level I am so alive and free. But when it comes to culture, social relations etc. I am tame, I have calmed myself, I have adopted tact and manners. Even in moments where I am encouraged to be brave and have a freedom of thought or action. I cannot do it-I become far too shy. Perhaps it's the young LDS girl in me-suffering from self-inflicted guilt. I thrive on the fact that something has to be wrong, that something needs to be fixed.. I cannot live with the idea of the immutable good, the eternal peace. Did you say that is Western thought in me? No, it's not just western. Today @ work, my ever so rad supervisor let me read Tao Te Ching. I read about 1/3 and while I doubt this can be a serious judgement - I was disappointed. I'm sorry, I know all things ancient have a vast amount of sexism present in them. But I could not just get past the fact that male was the master and female was the nature. Such a Western ideology and Jimmy (my supervisor) agreed (Plato and Socrates anyone? I just wrote a paper on this). He said it seems to be a universal ideal. Women is the passive, the changing, the weak. Western or Eastern. Eastern believes it to be part of the "balance" part of the yin-yang. Women seem to be truly fucked in the historical sense (I have a feeling, Mike, a Taoist is going to pounce on me for this;-)). Now a days? Well China still looks the other way when it comes to the murder of baby girls. Western society still places women @ their highest places in the body... But we are progressing, I am optimistic and changes definitely have been made. I guess I should be relieved. Relieved that I do not have to live up to a tradition because the tradition of woman has always been a weak one. It is easy to be passive, to be changing, to follow. But man is expected from the start to be the leader, the creator and the thinker. If he falls back he is looked down upon on many levels. I call him a fool. Any man who feels insecure enough to not be able to do what he wants, dominant or passive, strong or weak.. I pity. Most men I value do not fall for this though. They are confident and comfortable to be the way they choose to be. Then again - I do not have a penis, I have chosen not to be part of the male gender and I do not know what it feels like for a man or for any individual man for that matter.

- I have two final exams today. I finished all my final papers except for one. Looks like I did make it. I don't know how. I sincerely thought it would be impossible. I need to study for my feminism final, which I think I will fair well on. My history one as well, I made it to the review as well as got 50/50 on my citizenship paper (I wrote about the importance of animal rights to human nature and freedom).

Speaking of papers - here is my final feminism paper - it's 8 pages double spaced. But it's behind the cut if you wish to read. I dig it, if in the future I get the chance, I really hope to elaborate upon it. With all the information and material I have. I could write a book.

( Woman as the physical )

Even a pug-nosed philosopher couldnt bring me down...

But I suppose a man with a wicked mustache could.

- I finally have settled on a topic for my feminism paper - to put it v. inarticulately and superficially - Woman is body, man is mind. Body is changing, decaying, flawed, trivial, can be controlled/mastered etc. Mind is unchanging, immutable, perfect, superior and the creator and master. I start with a quote from Nietzsche, but it's about Socrates and I start off w/ Socrates/Plato. I think I will move onto Theology from there. You know? Maybe some Augustine and other famous theologins (which I barely know anything about - perhaps I shall stay away from tredding in those waters... But we did read an essay on feminist theology in our feminism class - and how patriarchy has tried to keep women from god and confined to her body). Ha! That is what I may elaborate upon. I shall move onto Rousseau, Hegel, maybe Freud and my FAVORITE Irigaray (her essay "Women on the Market" and I will bring a lil' Debord into it ;-). I'm ending with bang and a bullet - Butler. Her idea of nature, her idea of body and sex.. Oh fuck.. How in the hell am I going to tie that into my topic? I'm really going to have to stretch with that. Maybe I will just end with Irigaray..
- Anyway, I feel I might be taking too much on. I'm almost positive I would have enough material with just comparing Socrates to Irigaray in showing how over the thousands of years - those stereotypes have survived.

- I still have no fucking idea what I'm going to write on for Queer Theory, someone assign my worthless and doomed for failure ass a topic.

- I need to speak with a philosophy tutor for my philosophy final. My brain has officially turned to mush and the questions Pierre is asking look as if I'm reading Russian. I mean, I see the words, I see the letters, but all together it looks so extraneous and foreign. In fact, even feminism and Queer Theory have become that way - but thankfully, in those classes - we are ending with books that are easier on the eyes and mind. However - I really am scared to write my final for Pierre. I admit, I have a hard time following directions, I try to discipline myself, I try to follow the rules, I try to "get the point" and draw out a clear logical argument. But my mind is so abstract and devious. Ive' always been critical of and had admiration for the creative, for the radical, for the artist... But reason - whether it be too hard or my mind is just dyslexic.. I cannot seem to understand it. This unchangning BORING concept or reality. Ugh.

- My history paper is due Thursday. Only 2 pages long, but I lost my syllabus, so I dont know exactly what he is looking for.

- I need to ask for an incomplete from Dennis - no way in hell am I going to be able to write the paper he wants me too.

----

I should just drop out of school and join the peace corps. I should move to Prague, learn some Czech, or maybe settle in Italy, or lay on the beaches of Greece...

HOLY SHIT! Kim just called - she was frantic and shocked.. She got in a car wreck tonight. Wow, nothing like the pliable life to snap you back into reality... To get you away from whining about "mental" and philosophical issues. You do have to face concrete life. The physical, the tangible. It exists - you can't ignore it and get lost in the psyche, in reason, in intelligence. You had a body, you have material posessions, and shaky grounds.. You have responsibilities.. Wow.. Just wow.. I hope she is all right. I mean, she is, I've just talked to her for about an hour.. But apparently she is torn up. Scratches everywhere, bleeding, swollen, puss. She didn't go to the doctor because she cant afford it, so her friend (my friend too, Crystal) called an EMT and asked what to do. Wow, just, God, I'm a horrible empathizer and sympathizer (I sound like a keyboard). Maybe I truly do suffer from narcissism. One of the main traits of a narcissist personality is failure to empathize or feel sympathy for others.. but I do.. I just don't know how to react. Maybe reaction is a learned behavior and I was just taught a different way. I love the girl - of course I love Kim, perhaps more than anyone.. I guess I'm glad she is all right. I don't know what to say. This is going to be some tough shit ahead of her, no car, wreck was her fault, no money etc. I'll try to be there for her the best I can. I only feel guilt because I know she would be so much better @ being there for me than I would be for her. Maybe I'm still stuck on my "tough love" aspect with her...

21

wickenden

Wake up, it's pointless to care.

Another holiday, once again, I don't care. Goddamn I am a loser.

Anydo, I've been fairly dejected and cynical this past week - Academia is really starting to wear on me hardcore. As of recent, I have realized that not what you learn matters, but how you write for a professor and what games you can play. I mean, I'm not failing any classes - far from it. I'm doing pretty well in most of my classes, you would've never have guessed by looking @ my highschool transcript where my average GPA was like a 2.4 (my cum GPA for college is 3.5).

I didn't turn in my response paper for Gosherts class (which if you dont turn in one. Isnt a HUGE deal, and I've done all work for the class thus far)
I didn't finish my mid-term exam for Mussetts
(and these are my two favorite classes as well - Queer Theory and Feminism)

I mean..I don't want to place blame on anything or anyone right? I've had the drive until now - but now the drive is starting wear because I realized that my grades weren't up to par (most grad schools in the field I want to go into want a 3.7).. So being faced with reality, I choose to quit. I quit. I won't make it, I can't be optimistic when all the facts are staring me right in the face. I'll finish college, but no longer will I strive for grad school.

---

and on that note, I was a blob today, Errin even had Foucault and Beauvoir readings for Queer Theory.. Foucault and Beauvoir. Holy shit, I know their work and love it. But I didn't even comment let alone really even listen which is a shame. However, I do like Errin, @ her Sunday gatherings, she is always kind enough to cook me a vegetarian plate. I really enjoy her and her group of friends. It's been nice getting to know them, especially Kiyomi and John (who is also in my feminism and Queer Theory class).

---

and on THAT note - Whoever decided that a paternalistic society was the way to go? I mean really.. Who? Even Eastern society is paternalistic. (ie; China) I hear inherent sexist language left and right (why.. When refering to a HUMAN indivduals generally say "himself" but then referring to nature or non-human they generally say "herself". Such as Hume when talking of people would say "he" but when he talked of nature, he said "she" and good ol' George W. Bush.. Recently called Iraq "herself" stating, "defending herself..." Why is Iraq a she? Because capitalist/patriarchal America can go in and take over, control and make them adopt to our way?).
- Even the great linguist Noam Chomsky refers to an individual as a "he", shouldn't HE know better?

I mean god, it's gross! It really is!

It may not seem like a big deal, but it is, this world... How did it become to be run by men? Language, history, religion.. All created by men.. Philosophy even.. A man's field. What in the hell am I doing in it? Oh that is right, everything is a social construct, how in the hell can I even try to dare to have an original idea or a new way of living? Won't happen, I won't be able to do it. I know I'm not smart enough nor do I have the patience.

There is no way of saving this world.. Especially western civilization, I hope we drive ourselves into nihilism.



*the photo above is from the cross dress day for my feminism class. My professor, Shannon, is the pregnant man on the end.

So I noticed that in Queer Theory we are reading a book called Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lourde (1934-1992). Im going to order a copy online since I cannot find it anywhere and unfortunately could not read it for my class. John (not my teacher John, but a fellow student John) brought up an interesting point in class. She is black, gay and a woman, so therefore, she is quite the underdog (Blake cracked me up the other day with the comment of, "Is she Jewish as well?"). Reminds me of Bell Hooks who believes in order to alleviate sexism, racism etc. You have to mitigate ALL forms of hierarchy in order for all oppression to end. Extremely idealist but she has a point.
I've seen it in many cases with my own eyes, when class systems and forms of control exist... No matter how oppressed you were before, you usually end up taking on the oppressor role in some other area of life (ie; she points out white middle class feminists who sold out to Academia or corporate jobs and became like the men they used to fight). Anyway, so perhaps I'm just a little slow, but I noticed we are reading this book for Queer Theory and it happens to coincide with black history month. Therefore I did some research, and found this site Zami. The layout made my eyes hurt, but I like the purpose. It has a plethora of links and information on the topic of being black and gay/bisexual.

- I admit, I havent looked too much into African-American culture or black literature. Not that I avoided it or it disinterested me, but it just wasn't available or around. I live here in Utah, Utah county no less where I had 5 black kids in my whole highschool, and while I usually try to disregard all forms of race, culture, background and now.. even gender and sexuality, because I fell it's just another discourse and something else to get in the way of progression. However, in an ideal society, race, gender and culture would not exist, but they do, and sadly, unfair treatment still exists and perhaps always will which is why I believe we have specialized studies such as feminism, queer theory and events such as Black history month, Women's history month etc. Because it needed special attention and was something that society needed to learn about - but, by creating this so-called "awareness" is society just perpetuating stereotypes, letting the oppressed become the oppressor and become glorified or is society really moving forward? However, now that I am aware of my ignorance, I really should look into it and do my research.

Everything seems to be social construct these days, and whenever we try to break free from the confinements of these constructs we only create more. Does anyone really believe in human nature anymore? I mean, what would a human do in their absolute nature? Please don't use the "well look @ animals" argument because that is ridiculous for two reasons: one, you are grouping ALL animals together, I'm sorry, but the "nature" of a lion does not have the same "nature" of a lizard. Two: We are humans, just like a lion is a lion and a lizard is a lizard. We have our own genetic makeup and own drives. We do act the same as another species.
- Anyway, not only in Queer Theory, but we in the midst of discussing slavery in my history class as well and soon to be the Civil war. I remember, in 5th grade, something my teacher read that I was actually happy for is he read us a book on the life of a little girl who was raised in slavery, it's amazing how they brainwashed and manipulated these people to believe it was their vocation to be a slave. I forgot the name of the book but wish to god I hadn't. Cowbell? The protagonist wore a cowbell to keep her from running away.. I remember that, I also remember an educated slave read the bible to her to let her know that it said nowhere in there that she was destined to be a slave. It was an excellent book, I hope someone knows what I am talking about.

Still incredibly busy beyond belief. The only day I went out this week was Thursday, otherwise I've been working for both money and school, which is okay. Because I have absolutely no money, therefore reading is my sole form of entertainment which is positive since I need to do it for school. Been reading Freud again lately. This time around he doesn't bother me much, and I'm surprisingly having a pretty easy time. When I read The Interpretation of Dreams I wanted to stab my eyes out. So-I'm reading it for feminism, and one thing I will give him credit for is that he actually pays attention to women. On my myspace, I posted a blog about how these revolutionary philosophers (such as Rousseau) never even really looked into what a woman WAS. It's as if they looked @ everything in relation to them, what would make the world better for THEM, government, mind, body, laws, ideas etc. So women? Women were also thought as the other, how she could could IMPROVE man, not herself. They never saw woman as an individual, therefore their thoughts and views on women are shallow @ best. It just makes me sick, it's one thing to have sexiest views on woman if you actually do research, have proof etc. But no, these philosophers didn't even give even give "us" the time of day, we were lucky to have a few pages dedicated to us in their thousands of pages of writing.
- Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, Freud. So some things he was a bit wacky on, saying women have penis envy? But @ the same time, in all his texts, he includes women as much as man and really analyzes who and what she is, @ least that is what I'm gathering from my reading. His ideas of what constitutes a "pervert" is really quite interesting. The idea of the "invert" (a psychology term for "homosexual" that Freud came up with, that is no longer in real use) is completely and totally fucking cool...
.. But I'll write about that later.
* Need to read about 2 more meditations from Descartes
* Still cannot find Zami anywhere for Queer Theory. I'm fucked
* Need to finish laundry
* Need to shower
* Need to play guitar

xlabrysx

reflexorozy

goatcow

humanpathos

Why?

So perhaps I've grasped Irigaray's effort a little better. In class today we discussed WHY she wrote the text, fundamental assumptions. Most metaphors and language has an inherent sexual difference that we accept as the norm. It's been so embedded in our minds that we don't even know we are being sexist and living by a dichotomy. I mean, last year I was incredibly passionate about feminism and often paid attention to constant gender roles, feminine vs. masculine language, what was norm, what was just a joke, all these undertones etc. I think it drove some individuals insane actually. So I should be a little less critical of her perhaps. Ancient Greek has really held it's place in modern society, it has roots and the way we speak and talk is derived a lot from that culture. I can see now why she would look @ the cave that way and take on that perspective. I mean c'mon, Cave, underground, womb like vs. Surface, the good, the sun, the truth, the father... So onto Faggots v. dreamlike to read. I almost feel as if I'm on drugs, wickenden warned me of that. It jumps around constantly and you have to keep remembering it was written in 1978 (ie; before AIDS broke out) and the humor and self-deprecating. LOVE, Fred in on the quest for love. Also a neat passage about "de-kiking" the word "Faggot". Making it as normal as "American". Highly sexual and explicit, interesting to read. My teacher brought up an interesting point. How he depicts how gaymen look for one another and how he talks about reaching his "standard."

Interesting classes this semester my friends. Wish I had more time for discussion or elaboration actually. I always tend to fall behind in LJ world to replies and comments. My head is chock full of information and knowledge (learned knowledge that is) yet I still don't dare to put into words or language. Feel I might fuck it up and and make it lose it's value.. I'm still new, still young, still fresh and learning, it just amazes me how much more I have to go - I'm not scared, curiously aroused ane excited, however, it just makes my mouth drop to think how ignorant I was before. God, philosophy has really opened up some doors. Socrates talks of wisdom and knowledge as something that is basically out of this world.. I'm really interested in Plato's forms, but I will get to that another time.

Knowledge - infallible, is of that which exists FULLY or completely.
Opinion - is of that which lies BETWEEN non-existence and fill existence
Ignorance - is of that which does not exist.

Are you aware, that when you see a blue car and state, "that is a blue car" technically it is just an opinion? In fact, most if not all material and tangible objects are forms of opinions. Why? Because they can change, they are not infallible.. So what is knowledge? What is full existence? The Forms, the metaphysical, the meaning, the mind, the wisdom, the truth - it's out there and it's never changing.

BEST MIX CD FROM CARLOS EVER!

Then again - I've never given birth to either.

---

I hate hearing the phrase "but you are young Jen" Morrissey knew by age 24 he would never find anyone - he is now 45 and has no one. I now know by age 20 that I never will. I don't think anyone could tolerate my beliefs and ideas, perhaps if I met someone incredibly radical - but then would their beliefs not coincide with mine? My passions and ideas - I don't need someone to have the same beliefs as I. However, I do want them to respect them and support me in them. - So in a nutshell - I dont' think I'll ever get married and I used to think I'd be dead by age 28.. Let's change that to age 27. I like convention - I wouldn't mind getting married, however, I'm not huge on tradition. I always have this huge burden on my back - why? Because I blame no one for anything and I don't rely on anyone for anything. Everything is my own, everything is my fault and everything is my reward. I don't have a god, I don't have a vice, I don't have somewhere or someone to channel anger too. In fact, that idea is SO bizarre to me... To hold onto anger for so long and to release it onto another and to blame your past.. I don't think I've ever done that. Every situation, every day, every individual is different, how can you hold onto those feelings? because it's an outlet - it's you not having to deal with it. It's somewhere to put blame or justification. I just feel tied down.. I mean, for all I know, their could be a god right? Their could be an afterlife, and their can be certian metaphysical feelings and vibe, afterall I am an individual who is obsessed with karma and love. That completely throws all my logic out the window. --- I need to chill out. Really, my life isnt' so bad and always when I look back on my life - I am satisfied. I have accomplished a lot personally and have grown so much. I looked back on 2004 with almost no regrets - the year did not feel wasted to me. Nor will this year. So on that note..

Vagina Monologues

*

PS - Loved how Bush avoided talking about Iraq @ his Inauguration. Hmm I cannot wait to return to work for this reason. I'm sure everyone Jimmys team will have good discussion. I miss kuh being there :-(